


Searching for You

by godtiermeme



Series: Maturing Crab Apples [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Humanstuck, M/M, Sadstuck, albino!Karkat, maybe i should rename this depressingstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiermeme/pseuds/godtiermeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat have been living together for three years now. Actually, their fourth anniversary is coming up in a few months. But, with Dave's radio station starting to go under and money running short, things are getting more than a little tense in the Strider/Vantas household. (This still takes place in an alternate universe where SBURB is/was just a game.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave: Freak out

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not quite sure where this will be going quite yet. It's obviously still a work in progress and in its very _very_ early development. I'm hoping, however, to finish this story. How it will end, however, is a mystery to me as much as it is to you...

“What the fuck was that, Dave!?” yells a familiar voice.

You slowly raise your gaze up from the pile of station upkeep bills. As you do so, you notice your husband and radio broadcast partner of three years, Karkat Vantas, glaring at you. “What the fuck was what?” you snap in reply.

“Oh! Now you’re going to act so fucking innocent! You blocked out almost all of my last answer, you half-baked, abhorrent, oblivious asshat!” He slams a pale hand down onto your desk to try and catch your attention.

You reply with an imperious snort of bitter laughter before glancing back down at the bills.

“Dammit, Strider. You piece of shit. Answer me!” Karkat’s voice rises in volume with each word, and it isn’t long before almost everyone in the station is staring at you two. When you fail to reply, his hand reaches out and rips the cheque from your hands. “ANSWER ME, YOU POMPOUS PUDDLE OF PALTRY PISS!”

Your eyes dart back up to Karkat, and you stand up so fast that your chair flies backwards and slams against the wall. “I blocked you out because you blatantly ignored my rules again. I’ve told you who knows how many fucking times: DON’T ANTAGONISE THE CALL-INS.”

He steps towards you and meets your eyes with his fiery red eyes. “Well you put me in charge of this part of the show, asshole. Or did you forget that, too, you woolgathering asswipe? IT’S MY BLOODY SHOW!”

“AND IT’S MY FUCKING RADIO STATION,” you scream at him. “And you know what else!? I don’t fucking need you anyhow! I hired you because I care about you, but if you want to be such an asshole, then go look for your own damn job.” You’re not holding anything back now. With all of the bills piling up and the company starting to go under, you’re stressed to the max. You’ve been holding together pretty well, but Karkat snapping at you threw you off the edge. You need someone to be your verbal punching bag and, seeing as he’s already yelling at you, Karkat happens to be just that. “While you’re looking for a new job, try asking around for a new house, because I’m so fucking done with you and your shit.”

You snatch the bills back from a rather stunned Karkat and storm out of the building. After rummaging around in your pockets, you pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. You light one up and take a deep drag from it. As you do so, you notice a rather dejected-looking Karkat wandering away from the building. “That’s right, you bastard!” you yell at him. Nothing is holding back your stream of insults and verbal abuse. The dam which had prevented you from exploding thus far has been breached, and the firey flood of lexical scorn tumbles forth freely. “GO BACK TO YOUR SMELLY PIECE-OF-SHIT SHACK. I DON’T CARE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS TO YOU ANYMORE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”

He turns to you and, despite the distance between you and him, you can sense that his eyes are watering. His mouth opens to retort, but it swiftly clamps itself shut as he turns and runs away. A sadistic smirk twists across your face as you watch him stumble down the street, falling several times before he finally disappears into the urban jungle.

After a few minutes, however, your smile fades. You nervously chew your lip as realisation of your crime hits you. You hold back tears as you begin to comprehend the consequences of what you’ve done…

Karkat Vantas, the only other person you care about more than John or your long-deceased Bro, is gone. You, alone, have driven away the the only man who can make you feel happier than John Egbert can. In less time than it took to fall for him, you’d verbally thrown him out of your life. And, at the same time, you’ve realised how much you needed him.

You throw down your cigarette and run off after him, leaving the still-burning remnants on the pavement. “Karkat!” Tears sting your eyes as you race after him. “Karkat!” You stop at the street corner where he’d disappeared from view and look around. Through your tear-blurred shades, you see no sign of him. All you can see is the massive blur of traffic and the consistent flow of people down the sidewalks. All you see is a world you’ve just managed to create for yourself – a world _without him_.

**Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve just made the biggest mistake of your entire life.**


	2. Dave: Be Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftering unintentionally using Karkat as a verbal punching bag, Dave is left to sort out his feelings on his own. So far, it doesn't seem like he's doing too well with that...

You stagger back inside your house at about five in the morning. Your breath reeks of alcohol, and your clothes smell strongly of tobacco. “Karkat?” you slur as you stumble over the threshold.

No reply comes.

“Karkat!?” you repeat loudly. Your voice seems to bounce around the empty room, and you find yourself feeling hopelessly alone. You totter about the disturblingly spacious penthouse you’d moved into following the company’s sudden rise in popularity. Every time you pass a door, you can’t help but wishfully peer inside. When you’ve circled the entire place at least five times, you finally blunder into the bathroom.

You take off your tear-smeared shades and stare at your dimly lit reflection. Your hair is a mess, and a small trail of blood runs down your chin (the source of which is thecut you received on your lip while being thrown from the bar).

All of the tears you’ve shed over him aren’t doing any good. You’re still as upset as you had been when he’d run off, and you’re still worried sick about him. Without thinking about it, you slam your fist against the mirror. Shards of glass slice into your hand, but you’re far too drunk to notice or care. After running some cold water over it, you absentmindedly patch it up with some gauze. Afterwards, you make your way back into your room and collapse onto the bed. You pull out your phone and manage to make up some half-assed excuse for not showing up to work as you usually do before you fall asleep.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You wake up several hours later with a killer hangover. As soon as you roll over to check the time, you regret it. 14:00 flashes across your digital clock display, and you bury your head under your pillow as the radio automatically cuts on.

The voice of one of your employees blasts from the speakers, saying the last words you need or want to hear… “Due to Karkat’s sudden departure from the studio…”

“Shut the fuck up,” you groan as you slam your fist against the radio’s power button. As your hand hits the plastic, you hear your phone go off.

Could it be…? You optimistically grip at your cell and unlock it, only to feel your heart sink moments later.

The message warning you of your recent misconduct at the bar and the impact it had on the station pops up. But you couldn’t possibly care less. You only care about one thing. You only care that it’s not him. 

Why would it be? You might as well have stabbed him in the back in the parking lot. Why did you even expect it to be him? What were you thinking?

As you fall back into the pillows, you manage to pull up Karkat’s contact info. You dial his number, all the while repeating your mantra: “Please pick up. Please pick up. Please pick up.”

One ring begins and ends. Another passes, and another, each seeming to go slower than the last. Halfway through the fourth ring, he picks up. “Karkat—” you mumble nervously.

“Go away, you putrid piece of shit.” His voice is as sad – maybe even sadder – than your own. Nonetheless, as soon as he finishes his statement, he hangs up.

You still keep the phone to your ear, though. You continue to listen to the lonely silence until the phone error tone begins to blare into your ear. Only after the cold, unfeeling, automated voice reminds you to hang up do you finally disconnect from the call.

Immediately after this, you roll back over and bury your face into your pillow. You’re too hopelessly unhinged to care about anything anymore. The sound of your home phone ringing doesn’t help at all. Instead, it makes you dig your throbbing head deeper into the pillow.

“This is the Strider/Vantas residence. Stop bothering us and leave a damned message.” It’s his voice. It’s the sound of his voice, even on the answering machine, that makes you want to jump into the hole you’ve dug yourself into. You let forth a muffled moan and, after rolling over once more, you manage to fall into a perturbed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite sure how I ended up writing this chapter to the tune of the soundtrack for _Professor Layton and the Unwound Future_... And I'm not sure how there are no puzzles in it after considering that fact...


	3. Dave: Find Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave goes out to find Karkat, but he doesn't get exactly what he expects...

Day ten without Karkat.

You’ve decided to take matters into your own hands. He’s not coming to you, so you’ll go to him…

You stare out the front windshield, watching the rain pour down from the sky. Funny, you think, that the outdoors reflects your feelings on this particular day…

The car lurches to life as you turn the keys in the ignition. You cautiously raise the handbreak with one hand while the other flicks on the GPS…

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

==> Dave: Be Karkat

You’ve been wandering around the town for at least ten days.

You’re tired; hungry. The rain is pouring down on you, and your clothes are soaked. You don’t care, though. All you care about is the fact that you can’t get him out of your mind.

Nothing around you feels real anymore. You don’t care about anything but your own depressing existence. Why would you care about anyone else? They all stare at you and laugh. Dave didn’t. You knew you were worth something to him, and he was something worth caring about in your view. But what did it matter?

You’d never see him again anyhow…

The sound of screeching tires peirces the air. You turn and notice an out of control car hurdling towards you. You see the familiar scratched disk logo, and then –

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

==> Be Dave

You manage to steer the car so that the passenger’s side is facing the lamp post you’re about to hit. The vehicle hits the post with full force, and you’re covered in debris from the broken window. You don’t care about that, though. What you care about is the fact that…

No. You were imagining it. You had to have been imagining it. This couldn’t happen. Not now. Not this way.

You force open the car door and stumble out. A trail of blood runs from the wheels of your car to a wounded figure a few yards away. Your heart stops and you stagger towards the shadowy shape. By now, you know who it is. You know what you’ve done.

You kneel down and look at the blood he’s coughed up. He’s dead. You know he is… There’s no way he could have…

“Dave…?” he mumbles. You can barely hear his voice.

“Hold on, Karkat. I’ll call the ambulance and they can…”

He places a shaking finger over your lips. An oddly serene smile makes its way onto his face as he reaches up and weakly tousles your hair. “It’s fine.”

You can feel tears stinging your eyes, but you make no attempt to hold them back. “I’m sorry…” you manage to mutter through your choked sobbing.

His eyes glance up at you briefly, as if to say that he forgives everything you'd done to him, before he takes a final breath…

**Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve just made sure that you will forever feel completely and unfathomably alone.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. BUT IT DOESN'T. AND I'M SORRY. I JUST STARTED LISTENING TO ALBINONI AND... WELL... THIS HAPPENED...


End file.
